The Lost Boys

 

 A story of the one that got away....and came back.

Father's Day can be a real hard time for lots of folks.

Depending on what kind of relationship you had with your father growing up today is either a cause for celebration or a day to forget and move on.

Today is especially hard for me. I grew up in the "dysfunctional family".
My mom was divorced when I was 2 1/2. My brother had just come into the world.
My "dad" is truly my step-father. I call him dad because he is the only one I've ever known.
My mom remarried when I was 4 and he adopted me and my brother giving us his last name.

Over the years our relationship has had it's ups and downs.
Moments of pain and suffering and moments of being ok with each other. 
Knowing that this man was not my biological father did not make things any easier for me.

In fact, for the first 30 years of my life, I didn't even know my biological father.
In 2001, when I finally found him (through the wonderful thing called the internet) we met at a restaurant in Columbus for a face to face. He showed up with some woman from his past. A woman he had known back when he was with my mother. A few years later, out of the blue, he called and we met again. This time he showed up with a completely different woman. And, so has it been with him down through the years, come to find out.

Life situations like this can leave one feeling "lost".
My story is truly not unique. In today's society the missing link our children's lives is far to often the fact that a mother or father figure is gone from the picture.

The feeling of lost-ness can stem from one of two places.
Either because our societal woes bring consequences beyond our control upon us at an early age or, as we will see in our scripture passage, the personal choices we make bring consequences beyond our control upon us in a regrettable fashion.

Lets read about the "lost boy" in this scripture passage.

Luke 15:11-32

New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Lost Son

¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷ ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

The key thing to remember about this passage from Luke is simply this - it's a story, a parable.
It is quite possibly one of Jesus' best crafted story that he will use to explain the kingdom of God.

In the 15th Chapter of Luke, Jesus talks of 3 lost things.
A coin, a sheep, a son.
All lost in situations beyond their control. The coin was simply dropped, somewhere. The sheep wandered off, most likely lost in it's animal instincts. The son might just be following something also. His 'animal instincts'. This need to do his own thing. This need to sow his 'wild oats'.
Not carrying where life drops him as long as its far away from home.

Conveniently, Jesus leaves out some important details in the telling of this parable.
What kind of relationship does the boy have with his old man?
What led up to this moment of demanding his inheritance?
How many arguments and fights have transpired in the past weeks and months?

In doing so, Jesus can be vague and yet direct.
Everyone's situation is different. Every parental relationship with their child is different.
Sometimes the child wanders away. Sometimes the parent.
No matter what the situation, we could put ourselves in the shoes of the prodigal.

But, the lets be specific here, for the sake of context.
How many parents have watched their children wander away with no control over their circumstances? That is to say, the parent can do nothing about their child's circumstances.
We'd like to think we are in control of everything in this life.
In raising our children, we'd like to hang on to the notion that we can guide their steps and they follow our every whim and direction. To often, it simply is not so.

I must shoulder some blame for myself. My hardships are not all my father/dad's doing.
I did not listen in many cases. All I wanted was the freedom to make my own choices and walk my own path. But, freedom is a tricky thing. With freedom comes the word responsibility. 
And, at the ripe old age of 18, how many of us could truly be called "responsible".

For all the bad I could say about my dad, there is plenty of good.
And, much of it is connected to God, Jesus and church.
He rescued us from the basement of my grandparents house.
He adopted us, which was a point used to explain God's salvation to me later in life. (Romans 8)
He built us a brand new home in the country with his bare hands. He worked and still works tirelessly just as he saw his mom and dad do before him. He gives it his all.

I could complain about his being indifferent and sarcastic and sometimes just plain not caring about what others think. But, I'm that way too. Maybe it's his fault. Maybe it's mine for taking him to literally. A couple of years ago the two of us had it out on the phone. As I approached this milestone of "40" I found myself in a place I did not like. I heard myself repeating things that he would have said, to my mom, to us as kids. Knowing me as well as he does and having raised me like he did he had trouble with my choice in life to follow this path into the ministry. After we duked it out on the phone there was a 2 year silence. Very few words exchanged. Only spoke to him if I had to.

It is strange what we pick up from our parents. The words we repeat. The attitudes that get carried on. As I approached 40 years old, I truly felt I went through a mid life crisis. I fretted over my identity and what kind of man, dad and husband I would be in the future. I caught myself saying things to my wife that I did not like. Things I had heard from earlier in life. I caught myself saying things to my children. Things that I had endured earlier in life. I had to ask myself, "Do you like what you are? Do you like who you are?"

The scripture for this Sunday morning is personal to me. At times I have felt like the prodigal son. There truly a time where I wandered and needed to 'come back'. I have felt like the older brother at times. My younger brother garnered a different kind of attention than I did. And, at this point in my life, I am beginning to enter the father phase. My kids are growing. My daughter reminds me that in 8 years she will be driving. My son is learning to speak in complete, clear sentences.

What kind of man do I want to be? What kind of father?
It will be hard to simply let my kids go and grow up and make their own choices.
As the scripture tell us, "he came to his senses" and truly realized what he needed.
My folks had to do it. I'm sure it was hard. It will be just as hard for me.

I want to be the kind of father who has his arms wide open.
Ready to welcome them back home if need be. Ready with a robe, a feast, a hug.
Our heavenly Father gave everything. He 'killed the fatted calf' in Jesus for us.
He leaves the 99 to look for us. He sweeps and cleans and moves things until he has found us.

We are that precious to him.

Those who are closest to us, who grew up around us, who lived with us and put up with us, those are the ones we want to reach or the Lord. There is our connection to evangelism. We want to reach those members of our family who we think have wandered away. The problem is we have to wait for them to come to their senses, in essence.

Sons need to wake up, see their own need and return to the father.
Fathers need to be shaken awake, see those who need them, and return to their families.

Let us make sure that those in our inner circles of family and faith know that we love them beyond a shadow of a doubt.